The last 24 hours has been more emotional than I had ever anticipated...mainly anger. Along with jealousy, I despise anger. They are two horrible emotions and bring out the worst in people.
So I did the only thing that usually snaps me out of it: I exercised. For 3 hours, I walked as fast as my legs would take me. It wasn't fast enough. It wasn't long enough. I am still angry.
I am angry at my parents for putting me in this position. And, more so, I am angry at myself for not having the guts to fight them on it a year ago. I completely disagree with their rationale and am angry that they chose to impose that on me. Angry at myself for allowing them to do that. Angry at myself for making a sacrifice for them that has resulted in perhaps losing one of the best things I had. Angry that I made a sacrifice based on beliefs that I don't even share or agree with!!
I've lived my life without regrets. I've always tried to make decisions that were true to who I was so that I wouldn't have any regrets - I don't believe in them.
Well, I didn't. Not fighting more this past year would be my first regret. Not standing up for what I believe in, that is a regret.
The anger will subside eventually. The guilt of the regret may not as quickly. One day at a time. One workout at a time. One deep breath at a time.
No comments:
Post a Comment