Confession

Back in university, I had glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling.  It was my absolute favourite things about my bedroom.  I've always been mesmerized by the night sky and although it wasn't real, there was something about having glowing stars above me that made it very peaceful to fall asleep to.  When I moved home, four years later, I took them with me and, again, put them up on the ceiling of my room.

The upside: I still have a ceiling full of glowing stars to fall asleep to.  Bliss!
The downside: Joe had become a big part of those stars - always naming one or the other after me...

In the last few weeks, I've been back in my old room, with the glowing stars.  I stare up at them every night before I go to sleep.  I think of Joe and the memories we had together and I miss him.  More than anything, I miss his friendship - the laughter and sillyness, above all else.

I sometimes feel silly missing him like this - I know I made a decision and it was up to me whether I fight for 'us' or not.  And, it's because of my decision that he moved further away and has moved on.  So, do I really have a right to miss him, all things considered?  Am I allowed to stare up at the stars and wonder if I might ever hear from him again?

Allowed or not, I will fall asleep tonight thinking of him.  Rather than miss him, I will choose to remember the fun times that we shared and be thankful to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all...because, honestly, what else can I really do?