Midnight chats...

After quite some time, I logged onto shaadi.com chat.  I clearly didn't know what was in store for me.  It was the first time in awhile that I allowed the automatic chat login to stay 'online' - it was around midnight and I didn't think anyone would be online at that time.  Wrong.

Six people were logged in.  That doesn't seem high, but when more than half are on your 'accepted member' list, it seems abnormal.  Figuring I had nothing to lose, I chatted with two of them.

The first is 35 and lives in the US.  He wasn't very talkative to begin with, and when he did engage, it was a job interview...ugh.  I disengage from the chat quickly and move on.

The second, is a bit younger, 32, and also lives in the US.  He was quite flirtatious - a characteristics that always gets my guard up on first encounter.  However, I pursue the chat.  He assumes that I am a typical girl who gets excited about shoes and shopping.  I explain that I am far from a 'normal' Indian girl.  He clearly liked that.  He went on to describe the opposite of 'normal' to be 'weird' and that the 'weirder the girl, the better', because he, himself, was far from normal.

Just as I'm about to smile at his last comment, the next message pops up and it has to do with 'dressing up' and playing 'make believe'. EWW!  Really?  We clearly have very different definitions of 'normal' and 'weird'!!  I haven't even met the guy!  I don't even know his real name!  Is this what people talk about on dating website chat platforms?!

I suddenly became tired and logged off.

I had a message waiting for me the next morning, asking for my phone number and that perhaps we could get to know each other more over the phone or via text?
No, thanks! :)

Star light, star bright....

So many friends of mine have compared Joe and I to Ross and Rachel from Friends.  I guess if you just look at the drama of it all, it's a fair comparison.  We all know the ending to Friends, though...

Joe is in Europe as I write.  He's proposing to his girlfriend sometime this or next week.  After he told me, it took me a week to get over the crazy emotions that consumed me, but then I let go, and I was excited for him.  Heck, I even gave him tips on where he could propose since he wasn't sure and I'd been to the countries he would be traveling to.  He was my best friend, afterall.  We had grown together for ten years and could complete each others thoughts and sentences.  I knew what he found romantic and how he would want to propose and I gave him a few options of where he could do that in the foreign land he'd set foot on.

When he told me that he planned to get married in December, I was excited at the prospect that I would actually get to see him when he got married.  Not the case.  He made it clear that I wouldn't be invited to the wedding.  Understandable, I guess.  We have a long history.  His girlfriend might not be very happy with it...and maybe I wouldn't be either.  Heck, I'm sure I wouldn't be.  So, it's understandable.

So, I feel like we've gone from 'Ross and Rachel' to 'My Best Friend's Wedding', except that (on most days), I don't want to break up his wedding.  As tough a pill as it was (and sometimes still is) for me to swallow, he moved on (just as I had asked him to).  He found happiness in someone else and I can't do anything but be extremely happy for him!  And, I am.  Anything else would be a waste of my own energy (and fairly selfish).  I would have loved to be there for him on his big day, though.

On days like today, I miss him.  Not as much the relationship side of things, but the friendship.  The comfort without words, the laughter and smiles of inside jokes and the knowledge that he's there if I decide to pick up the phone and say nothing at all...

Tonight, the stars on my ceiling will have to do... :)

Murphy's Law

I don't know if other women find this or not, but whenever you find an awesome profile online, the picture that eventually follows is more often than not of someone who you don't find attractive.  I'm not saying that they aren't attractive in general, it's me who isn't attracted to them.

I try to keep an open mind and not be vain as I hate it when people judge me by the way I look.  So, I meet with people, get to know them... but for me, when the personality and looks don't mesh to give me an attractive package, I can't say I'm the best at hiding it.

The guy who I promised to keep an open mind about (the one who emailed and said that his mom had asked him to email, etc - see 'Mamma's Boy'), I did.  As much I could, anyway.  I wasn't his biggest fan - not just from the emails, but from his pictures.  I didn't find him incredibly attractive but reminded myself that not everyone's pictures are the same.

I emailed him mid-afternoon as I happened to be downtown and asked if he wanted to grab a coffee later in the evening.  I hadn't expected to stay downtown and apologized for the last-minute notice.  He altered some plans with friends and agreed to meet up.  And, he was nice - friendly, kind, interested in learning about me.  But, I had no attraction to him.  None.  Through the entire conversation, I tried to imagine us in a picture together, and I couldn't.  Sadly, I probably didn't hide it well, either.  It was just his chubby lower cheeks that threw me off - they kept catching my attention and not in a good way (I had to make a continued effort to make eye contact and not be mesmerized by the cheeks!).

I thanked him for the cranberry/soda, dropped him home and wished him a goodnight.

I feel so vain.  But where is the balance between physical attraction and personality?  Should they not both go together, providing an attractive combination?

Return of the 'dude'

So...the guy who texted me and called me 'babe'?  I didn't reply to him.

That didn't stop him...  "Hey Stranger", he wrote.

"Stranger is far more acceptable that 'babe'!  How's it going?"

"Are you serious?", he asked.  "I'm on a cho cho train", he continued.

What 30-year old writes that to someone he is supposed to be impressing?  I was with a colleague at the time and couldn't stop myself from laughing out loud.   As we both headed to the gate to catch our flight home, I wrote back "I'm on the fly fly plane!"

Broken Record

Whenever I meet someone new, aside from a very small selection of people, it feels like a broken record.   I'm not talking about the simple pleasantries that are exchanged when getting to know someone, or the standard questions of asking what you do, what you like, etc, but questions that I find relatively absurd.  Maybe I'm just in a snarky mood, but the two questions that I continue to hear over and over again (within the first 20 mins of a conversation), and that annoy me to no end:

1. Do you like to party? Do you go out at all?

(why does that matter, especially in the first 20 minutes of knowing me??)


2. So... how's the online dating thing working out for you?

(well...if it were working well, would I be sitting here talking to you?!)

Maybe it's their nerves.  Maybe it's just me being uber snarky this morning...

I'm bringin' sexy back....dude...

A boy on shaadi.com expressed interest in me.
He sounded alright, so I accepted.
After a brief message asking me to email him instead of using the website interface, this is the conversation that ensues:

"Hey u,

Im doing good, on the train heading home trying to decide what yo do when i get home.  To play ball or to golf or to run?  So i see yall canadians luv ur hockey and thats one sport i never got hooked on, maybe u can teach me :) 

5 hours later.....

I got hustled by some 21 year old kids, i feel like an old man.  So why did you move from the uk, life is much more peaceful there and pleasant according to the arcticles i have read in the past.  I was born in india came to chicago when i was five and we have settled within different parts of illinois ever since but currently reside in the west suburbs of chicago.  Do you have a gchat account i think its more efficient than composing an email 5 pages long :) it feels like that typing on this phone....lets catch up tomorrow...whats good with you at the moment?

Later gator"

***

"Hey - My vote would be to either play ball or run. Golf is boring.

We do 'luv' our hockey - can teach 'u' anytime! ;)

I moved back from the UK for a variety of reasons.  I miss it, and maybe one day I'll head back there!  Life is very slow there - it can be relatively frustrating once you're used to a faster pace.  And, it rains a lot (I'm not a big fan of the rain) and outdoor life in Canada is much better! :)

I don't have gchat - I have skype...you?

What's good with me at the moment? Lots!  Just planning my summer adventures and the Canucks just scored an amazing goal with 15 seconds left in the game and have won game 1 of the Finals!! :) Woooohooooo!!!!!!

Have a great evening...

a"

***

"hey...

Nice maybe we can start on the wii first then move to the real thing :)....I have heard of skype but never used it, i guess there is always time for a first or chat on the phone.  What adventures are you planning?  I'm actually a horrible planner and just go with the flow of life and most of the time hop on trips that other have planned :)...to be continued 

adios amigos"

***

I message him to say that 'wii' would be hilarious and wish his Mavericks well in their next game against the Heat.  He texts back:

"Hey u - got ur email - the last game was intense, hoping for another one tomorrow"

Having just finished watching the hockey game, I write back "Hey, sorry, was watching the Canucks win - yay! How's your weekend going?"

"I'd love to see you in your hockey gear - I bet you bring sexy back"

I try to ignore his last comment and tell him that I haven't played in years, and ask again about his weekend.  

"Good - going bowling", he writes.

"Nice - bowing is always a good laugh.  Are you going to bowl like Fred Flinstone?", I ask.

HIs response:

"I'm aight babe...ups and downs..."

First, what does 'ups and downs' have to do with anything?  Maybe he was responding to the question about his weekend?

More importantly, who in heavens are you calling 'babe'???  We've known each other for all of 3 email exchanges and you're telling me that I'll 'bring sexy back' and calling me 'babe'?

In his words: LMAO.

Next!

Keeping an eye out...

I'm back to the usual searches of shaadi.com and eHarmony to see what random people will be sent my way.  There are two profiles that were relatively intriguing.

The first was on shaadi.  No picture was attached to the profile so who knows what the guy looks like, but the profile that he wrote was one of the happiest profiles that I have ever read!  It was incredibly refreshing to read something that was light-hearted, happy and fun!  And, I shared that with him.  We'll see if he responds to my 'expressed interest'.

The second is on eHarmony.  The guy is HOT.  First time on the website that I've really looked at a guy and gone - wow, you are very good looking.  Again, his profile was genuine and down-to-earth.  It was light-hearted.  He made it clear that he felt that he wants to first be friends with whoever he marries, which is fine by me.  I am in no rush.  He travels, is into photography and volunteering and just seems like a nice guy.  So, I messaged him saying that being friends would be great and that I'd love to exchange travel stories, if he was interested.  I can see that he's viewed my profile, but no response yet.  We'll see!

There was a really cute guy at the gym, yesterday, too.  Oddly enough, he had the same shoes as me, too!  Normally I wouldn't even notice, but these are the barefoot running shoes (vibramfivefingers.com). They are amazingly comfortable shoes but he was the first person I've seen to wear them since I started to wear mine!  I didn't even have the guts to say hi...I kept him in my peripheral vision but I had already been working out for an hour and a half and needed to get going as I was meeting a friend for dinner.  Best I could do was go have a drink from the water fountain (about 3 feet from the treadmill he was on) after getting changed, before leaving the gym.  Perhaps next time we run into each other!

 I'm in no rush to find someone.  He will appear when I least expect it! :)

It's my life...it's now or never...

Exactly a week ago, I found out that Joe was getting ready to propose to his girlfriend of a few months.  He  seemed really happy with his new life.

At first, I cried.  Crying, for me, is a rare occurrence.  I cried for the end of a crazy relationship between Joe and I.  I was really happy for him, but in some selfish way, I was sad for myself for having let this guy go.

Sadness disappeared and anger set in.  I couldn't even face my parents.  I was so angry at them.  How could they impose their views on me to this extent?  How could they not understand that you don't get married and then fall in love but that you marry the person you fall in love with...and that you can't help who you fall in love with!

And, I was mad at myself.  For allowing them to impose their views/values on me that I completely disagreed with; for not standing up for my own beliefs and values and fighting for what was true to me.  And, for not following my heart.  I had not lived up to my own expectations and standards over the last year and i was angry at myself for that.

With a few hours at the gym each day, I was able to let go of some of that.  The gym is my sanctuary - whether it's a long walk, a tough weights session or some power peddling, the gym is where my brain goes into overdrive, thinking about everything and sorting it out fairly efficiently.  I've spent a lot of time at the gym this past week.

I can't blame my parents.  They are who they are and they did what they thought was best for me.  I couldn't face them because the only thing I could've explained or said would have been "There.  Are you happy?  You can now sleep soundly at night as I won't be marrying a muslim guy anymore", and that would have been unfair.  It's not how I wanted to react with them and although some might argue that they deserve that, I disagreed.  They're my parents.

I know that being angry doesn't solve anything.  In fact, it makes things worse.  It's an emotion that I hate.  Thankfully, I've successfully channeled most of that energy into working out, and I will continue to do that.  My friends have been an amazing support network and I couldn't be a luckier person if I tried.

I had a dream last night - Joe and his sister were both with their respective partners and we were out somewhere in the wilderness.  Everyone was laughing and happy, it was great!  It was the first in the 11 years that I had known Joe where he and I weren't together in my dreams.  I was finally able to let go...just like magic!

Now, it's time to take back my life and live up to my own standards.  Pursue the career that I want to pursue.  Find a guy that I want to marry.  Live the dreams that I have for myself.  And not live by anyone else's expectations of me.  Then, and only then, I will find true happiness again.