This blog will hopefully be a place where fun 'Indian dating' (i.e. parental setup) stories can be shared. My parents, bless them, have been setting me up with some great, and some not-so-great people for the last eight years. I know I would have found some level of comfort knowing that other girls were going through the ritualistic setups that I was being put through, so this blog is for all of those Indian girls going through the same thing...whether to find comfort, humour, or both! :)
Women, especially, often find it difficult to balance family and cultural norms/expectations with those of the wider (and often more modern) society that we are being raised in. I remember that going to the mall alone with my friends for the first time, in grade 10, was a very big deal for me. Sleepovers were at my house and I wasn't allowed to go over to other children's houses. I wasn't allowed to date. And, when I was going to start dating, I was only to date Hindu men who are taller than me. No sex, drugs and rock & roll, as they say.
There is nothing wrong with the norms and expectation of our families and cultures. However, when you are born in raised in a culture and community that is different, it is often difficult to find a balance that allows us to fit into both worlds. You want to fit in with your friends who are talking about boys and kissing and dating. You want to make your parents proud by being an upstanding daughter at home.
I was lucky that my parents were fairly liberal. Although they were known as the strictest parents in the community, I didn't mind so much. They let me travel, sent me to camps and conferences and allowed me to get really involved in extra-curricular activities. The encouraged me to be independent, put me through music and speech lessons, drove countless hours getting me (and my siblings) from one activity to the next. I have a lot to be thankful for.
However, curiosity of dating and relationships (and other faux-pas things - drinking, for example), is something that most young Indian women aren't able to speak to their parents about. So, we can ask for their understanding about dating non-Indians and go through that battle, but they don't understand, leaving us between a rock and a hard place. To date and not tell or not to date at all? I, for better or for worse, chose to date and not tell. Especially because the first person who I fell in love with, was Muslim. The anti-Hindu (or Hindus being the anti-Muslims). Either way, it was a bad combination. As you read the blog, you'll see where the story goes.
The 10-year love story, filled with ups and downs, is interwoven with some highly comical set-ups by parents that arose from exchanges of bio-datas.
Women, especially, often find it difficult to balance family and cultural norms/expectations with those of the wider (and often more modern) society that we are being raised in. I remember that going to the mall alone with my friends for the first time, in grade 10, was a very big deal for me. Sleepovers were at my house and I wasn't allowed to go over to other children's houses. I wasn't allowed to date. And, when I was going to start dating, I was only to date Hindu men who are taller than me. No sex, drugs and rock & roll, as they say.
There is nothing wrong with the norms and expectation of our families and cultures. However, when you are born in raised in a culture and community that is different, it is often difficult to find a balance that allows us to fit into both worlds. You want to fit in with your friends who are talking about boys and kissing and dating. You want to make your parents proud by being an upstanding daughter at home.
I was lucky that my parents were fairly liberal. Although they were known as the strictest parents in the community, I didn't mind so much. They let me travel, sent me to camps and conferences and allowed me to get really involved in extra-curricular activities. The encouraged me to be independent, put me through music and speech lessons, drove countless hours getting me (and my siblings) from one activity to the next. I have a lot to be thankful for.
However, curiosity of dating and relationships (and other faux-pas things - drinking, for example), is something that most young Indian women aren't able to speak to their parents about. So, we can ask for their understanding about dating non-Indians and go through that battle, but they don't understand, leaving us between a rock and a hard place. To date and not tell or not to date at all? I, for better or for worse, chose to date and not tell. Especially because the first person who I fell in love with, was Muslim. The anti-Hindu (or Hindus being the anti-Muslims). Either way, it was a bad combination. As you read the blog, you'll see where the story goes.
The 10-year love story, filled with ups and downs, is interwoven with some highly comical set-ups by parents that arose from exchanges of bio-datas.
Oh, in case you're not familiar with Indian 'dating', you should know what a bio-data is...
Bio-data: A piece of paper that contains the most important information about the person you are being set up with. This includes: name, place of birth, time of birth, day of birth, current profession, father's profession, mother's profession, siblings (and their professions), height, weight, and if you're lucky, a picture.
happy reading!
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