I received an email today informing me that I received an interest from a member on shaadi.com. So, I log in and check out who it might be.
I click on the member's name. There, in front of me, appears a picture of himself, cropped in front of the Superman logo! Interesting. Seeing as I'm not interested already and I'm exhausted (and therefore have no patience to read his profile), I go to click on 'decline interest'. As I move my cursor towards the box to select my response, I see that he's actually written me a message. 'Hmm....., let's see what he has to say'...
How are you? How is life? My name is Sarik and what is your name? I am interested in getting to know u. My email is xxxxx@yahoo.ca. I own my own business, I am very successful and I am the CEO, Chief Executive Officer of my own company. I am confident that it is now the time where I am finally ready for shaadi with the right person. I guarantee that I can make my future wife happier than anyone can make her In the universe. I can give her the most exciting, adventurous, loving, caring, fun and amazing marriage. What do u do 4 work and fun?
May I kindly have your ph# so we can have a decent, innocent, friendly, intelligent , fun and interesting get to know conversation?
Sarik XxxxCEO, Chief Executive Officer
xxxxxxx Technologies
Website 1 (Business Website):http://www.xxxxxxxx
Website 2 (Online Resume): http://www.xxxxxxx
Contact#:123-345-2345
MSN Contact: xxxxxxxx@hotmail.com
facebook name is Superxxxxx Knight
I have to give him credit for his confidence!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
A clear lack of commitment
I was coming back from week-long holiday and had a 24-hour stopover in Vancouver. I decided to have a lazy morning when the phone rang. Without looking, I picked up.
The guy on the other end introduced himself as Sanjay and mentioned that we'd exchanged messages on shaadi.com awhile back and that he was sorry he hadn't gotten in touch sooner. He had been inundated with paperwork and work (he has his own company) and was only just seeing the light of day.
We chatted for about an hour in which he made it clear that he was ready to settle down and find a wife. He had been groomed well by his married friends and women in his life to nod and smile and agree with women to 'keep the peace'. I politely disagreed and thought it was great when men stood up for themselves (as women should) and that there was nothing wrong with having healthy discussions or debates.
The rest of the hour was similar - he knew what he wanted and he would do his best to find it but knew that there had to be a lot of compromise and admittance of being wrong (because he was the man and men are dumb, apparently). Interesting. Keeping an open mind, there was nothing I'd lose (besides my time) of meeting this guy in person. Maybe he's just nervous because it's the first time we're talking. So, let's see what this guy has to say when we meet! The conversation was funny and we had a good laugy, so why not give it a chance. We set up a time and off we went.
This evening, I had the opportunity to talk to him again. I called to set up a time to meet tomorrow. We got talking...rather, he did most of the talking. He clearly doesn't take sarcasm well (he was completely open to that and admitted that he doesn't understand it), which made things interesting for me.
He claimed to be religious (Hindu), but ate meat of every kind? While I agree religion can be interpreted in a variety of ways, eating beef was clearly against the religion. But, I let it go and he continued "well, there's no point in being judgemental." I agreed. He decided to continue with very little prompting, "people can be religious...for example, Hindu, but I didn't say they couldn't be bad Hindus!" Religious, but bad religious... interesting.
As he went on about himself and what he was looking for and who he wanted to marry, I had little to say except to agree. He finally stopped talking to ask me what I was looking for.
"Um...well, I'm trying not to set expectations and to keep an open mind about everyone. I meet people to find out who they are and what they're about and do my best to do that without preconceived notions so that I am being fair to the person. If there is common ground and we get along, then great, we can pursue something. But, if it's clear that we don't have anything in common, we can move on without disappointment". The last thing I wanted to do was tell this guy exactly what I wanted and for him to try and fit that mould. Until now, everything sounded like a business deal - the way he described his future partner and how things could work and how he "would know in one month whether or not she's the girl for me". And, it's not that I was lying - it is genuinely what I'm trying to do (it's just easier said than done).
"Well, I'm looking for someone who is more committed than that," he says.
"Oh - I'm not sure where you see the lack of commitment," I reply.
"Well, someone who doesn't have set criteria isn't likely looking for someone long-term or to settle down...and I'm not really up for casual dating," he says.
"Well, I think it's best if you give everyone a fair chance and get to know them. Only then will you discover the true person and see if it works or not. Going in with a lot of preconceived notions may mean that you miss something (good or bad)...but, I don't think that makes me any less commited to finding someone and settling down - good luck in your search".
That was that. At least my 'lack of commitment' saved me some precious time tomorrow evening! :)
The guy on the other end introduced himself as Sanjay and mentioned that we'd exchanged messages on shaadi.com awhile back and that he was sorry he hadn't gotten in touch sooner. He had been inundated with paperwork and work (he has his own company) and was only just seeing the light of day.
We chatted for about an hour in which he made it clear that he was ready to settle down and find a wife. He had been groomed well by his married friends and women in his life to nod and smile and agree with women to 'keep the peace'. I politely disagreed and thought it was great when men stood up for themselves (as women should) and that there was nothing wrong with having healthy discussions or debates.
The rest of the hour was similar - he knew what he wanted and he would do his best to find it but knew that there had to be a lot of compromise and admittance of being wrong (because he was the man and men are dumb, apparently). Interesting. Keeping an open mind, there was nothing I'd lose (besides my time) of meeting this guy in person. Maybe he's just nervous because it's the first time we're talking. So, let's see what this guy has to say when we meet! The conversation was funny and we had a good laugy, so why not give it a chance. We set up a time and off we went.
This evening, I had the opportunity to talk to him again. I called to set up a time to meet tomorrow. We got talking...rather, he did most of the talking. He clearly doesn't take sarcasm well (he was completely open to that and admitted that he doesn't understand it), which made things interesting for me.
He claimed to be religious (Hindu), but ate meat of every kind? While I agree religion can be interpreted in a variety of ways, eating beef was clearly against the religion. But, I let it go and he continued "well, there's no point in being judgemental." I agreed. He decided to continue with very little prompting, "people can be religious...for example, Hindu, but I didn't say they couldn't be bad Hindus!" Religious, but bad religious... interesting.
As he went on about himself and what he was looking for and who he wanted to marry, I had little to say except to agree. He finally stopped talking to ask me what I was looking for.
"Um...well, I'm trying not to set expectations and to keep an open mind about everyone. I meet people to find out who they are and what they're about and do my best to do that without preconceived notions so that I am being fair to the person. If there is common ground and we get along, then great, we can pursue something. But, if it's clear that we don't have anything in common, we can move on without disappointment". The last thing I wanted to do was tell this guy exactly what I wanted and for him to try and fit that mould. Until now, everything sounded like a business deal - the way he described his future partner and how things could work and how he "would know in one month whether or not she's the girl for me". And, it's not that I was lying - it is genuinely what I'm trying to do (it's just easier said than done).
"Well, I'm looking for someone who is more committed than that," he says.
"Oh - I'm not sure where you see the lack of commitment," I reply.
"Well, someone who doesn't have set criteria isn't likely looking for someone long-term or to settle down...and I'm not really up for casual dating," he says.
"Well, I think it's best if you give everyone a fair chance and get to know them. Only then will you discover the true person and see if it works or not. Going in with a lot of preconceived notions may mean that you miss something (good or bad)...but, I don't think that makes me any less commited to finding someone and settling down - good luck in your search".
That was that. At least my 'lack of commitment' saved me some precious time tomorrow evening! :)
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)